FAQs! - Or, "I Have No New Material!"
Hello, and welcome to the fifty-first installment of NotWriting.com, an open journal on how one writer spends his time when he really should be writing.
For years, I've received questions from readers on everything from where I get my ideas to what my favorite "not writing" activities are. So, rather than answer the same questions a hundred times, I've saved them up to answer here. Enjoy.
I'm a web designer and was laid off a year ago. Can I get a job with NotWriting.com?
Sorry, we're not hiring. Most of the time we're lucky to have clean socks. Besides, I've got a better idea. Why don't you start a site called notwebdesigning.com and write about the stuff you do when you should be designing web sites?
Where do you get your ideas?
My neighbor is a bestselling novelist, and he has a Dumpster in his driveway. Once a week, I dive in there and grab all the ideas he threw out. You wouldn't believe the great stuff I've found in there!
Where did you get the idea for this site? Is it copyrighted?
I got the idea in the same place—my neighbor's Dumpster. And yes, it's copyrighted. By the firm of Smith & Wesson.
Where did you get the ideas for your private detective, Dakota Stevens, and his Gal Friday, Svetlana Krüsh?
Here's how I got the idea for Dakota.
And here's how I got the idea for Svetlana.
I want to write, but I just can't seem to get started. Do you have any suggestions?
Yes, you're probably trying to make it perfect right out of the gate, when real writing—for publication in print—is all about drafts. You have to be willing to write terrible first drafts. You have to be willing to let it all fly the first time through—with no self-censoring. THEN, the second time around, you can throw on your editor's cap. Just sit down at the computer, or with a pen and paper, and spend some time listening. If you sit still and are quiet enough, soon what you want to say will surface.
Can you suggest any good books on writing to help me develop my craft?
Absolutely. Mind you, every writer has his favorites, and you might not care for some of my recommendations. But here goes:
IMMEDIATE FICTION by Jerry Cleaver
TECHNIQUES OF THE SELLING WRITER by Dwight V. Swain
THE MODERN LIBRARY WRITER'S WORKSHOP by Stephen Koch
DEEP WRITING by Eric Maisel (more about psychology than craft)
HOW TO WRITE A MYSTERY by Larry Beinhart (for, you guessed it, mystery writers)
STEIN ON WRITING by Sol Stein
HOW TO GROW A NOVEL by Sol Stein
I used to be a big fan of Julia Cameron's work, particularly THE ARTIST'S WAY (which is excellent), but I've found her later books to be re-hashes of the same material.
Why do you have so much trouble writing? I mean, are you just lazy?
Yeah, that's it, lazy.
What do you do when you're not notwriting?
I write fiction, play tennis, read books, watch the Boston Red Sox, and split wood with a 10-lb. splitting maul. Seriously, splitting wood is one of my favorite activities. In case you don't know how to do it (or you want to improve your technique), here's a nice little article on the subject.
You're a farmer and you have a chicken, a fox, and a bag of grain. You reach a river and have to cross it using a boat that can only hold you and one of your items. If you leave the chicken alone with the grain, when you get back the grain will be eaten. If you leave the fox alone with the chicken, the chicken will be eaten. How will you get all three and yourself safely across?
Easy. By finding out where you live, then going to your house in the night and clubbing you with a pipe.
Do you really use pencils and typewriters to write or is that just a gimmick?
No, I really do use them. Right now I have about ten brands of pencils around, and two typewriters. As far as pencils go, I'm not the only one who loves them. It seems I've been part of a revolution, and I didn't even know it.
With some of the stuff you say, you come across as a Luddite. Do you watch TV and movies, or do you just sit around and sharpen pencils?
First, blow me. Next, in response to your question, while I am suspicious of new technology for its own sake, there are several innovations and inventions that I'm very fond of: the iPod (my favorite personal device), the DVR (or TiVo), and email. Basically I love anything that furthers asynchronous communication. I love being able to tell music companies, advertisers and anybody else who wants to bother me to technologically piss off. I want to listen to such-and-such a song on my iPod, I can. I want to watch an evening TV show in the morning and blast through the commercials, I can. You get the idea.
As for TV, my favorite shows are as follows: Boston Legal, Ninja Warrior (I love imitating the Japanese announcer: "Koi-ten kleeng-ah"), Entourage (Ari is the best demonstration of Alfred Hitchcock's principle that a character can be a complete prick--not his words--so long as he's really good at his job), 30 Rock (Tina Fey--brilliant and sexy--what's not to love?), and the Planet Earth series.
I have too many favorite films to list all of them, but here are a few:
Raiders of the Lost Ark
North by Northwest
High Plains Drifter
Dirty Harry (one of the few films where the MUSIC is truly another character)
Rear Window (Grace Kelly may be the most beautiful woman that ever lived)
The HBO series Band of Brothers
The first two acts of Chinatown
The Natural ("You've got a gift, Roy, but it's not enough...")
Used Cars ("A Mercedes Benz 450SL for 24 thousand dollars? That's too F-CKIN' high!")
Manhattan (before Woody got weird and started repeating himself
Gone with the Wind (Vivian Leigh--another OSH: Old School Hottie)
High Noon
Wyatt Earp (with Kevin Costner--especially the scene when he's alone in the saloon)
The Dirty Dozen
The Edge (written by playwright David Mamet; his dialogue is as good as it gets)
The Untouchables (ditto above about Mamet)
Goodfellas
If you could spend a week with any three people from history, who would they be? (A reader really did send me this question. A little creepy.)
Even though this question is purposeless (it will never happen), I've given it a lot of thought and know exactly who my three people would be:
1. RICHARD FEYNMAN, the Nobel Prize-winning physicist
His book Surely You're Joking, Mr. Feynman is both deep and hilarious. He had a phenomenal number of adventures in his life, including working on the A-bomb at Los Alamos and helping to solve the mystery of the Challenger disaster. I would love to be able to just follow the guy around for a week when he was in his prime, watching him creatively solve problems. A brilliant, brilliant man. A true GENIUS, before that term became overused and associated with guys like Dr. Phil.
2. THEODORE ROOSEVELT
Who wouldn't want to hang around TR, if for no other reason that to experience the man whom Henry James called "a steam engine in trousers"? He did it all--in only 60 years. And he had a shrewd, HOTTIE daughter, Alice Lee, who was a character in her own right. TR is another fascinating person that I would be content to simply watch.
3. CLEOPATRA
What made her so alluring? Was she as beautiful and intelligent as history says she was, or were their standards lower? Allegedly, she spoke six languages and was incredibly persuasive. So long as I wasn't a court eunuch, I would enjoy being in her company.
Where were you born? (Another question that's a bit on the creepy side.)
I was born in Augusta, Maine on February 21st, 1970 at 1:38am. This makes me a Pisces, with a Sagittarius rising sign (whatever the hell that means). I'm proud of my Maine heritage, so don't ever joke about it around me.
Are you married? (I got this one from a reader who later turned out to be a "bit of" a stalker.)
Yes, to the best woman I could imagine. Now, unless you're buying one of my books, go away.
You mentioned in one of your pieces that you taught writing. Do you have any advice on the subject?
Not really. What I taught was how to write papers for college, including grammar, research and presentation. What I didn't and couldn't teach was how to write for yourself when the only motivator is internal (you don't know why, but you just have to do it). What I do have are a few quotes by various masters, thoughts that I've turned to over the years:
"If you want to be a writer, write." - Ernest Hemingway
"Your strangeness is your strength." - Donald Westlake
"When you write a story, leave all the boring parts out." - I forget who said this
"At the beginning of the story, make sure the character wants something, even if it's only a glass of water." - Kurt Vonnegut
"Make sure you get the weather in there." - Ernest Hemingway
"You shouldn't write because you want to say something; you should write because you have something to say." - F. Scott Fitzgerald
And with that, I've run out of questions to answer and things to say. Later.